Newspaper Columns by Bishop Paul V. Marshall
Does Your Church Fill All Mugs?
By Bishop Paul V. Marshall
May 2004
My friend Bob loves coffee. He also drives a lot. Like many people who share those traits, he has collected a variety of mugs that fit in the holders of his car. He starts the day with a clean mug and stops at various coffee sellers to have it refilled as his day goes on. The refillable coffee mug is a convenience all around: Bob has a cup with insulation and a handle, the coffee vendor saves the cost of the paper cup, and the environment is spared further strain. For years this daily pattern has gone smoothly from the first jolt of caffeine in the morning to the more soothing blends of coffee taken in the afternoon and evening.
Until last week. A young man in a high-end coffee place where he often gets his mug filled decided that because Bob's mug that day was from a donut store it was not worthy of this particular coffee chain, and so refused to fill Bob's mug. Being a calm and gentle man, Bob simply ordered a large cup of coffee, and as the young man rang it up, poured it into his mug. I'd love to say that he left the empty paper cup on the counter, but Bob is also considerate of those around him and did not leave a mess.
As I consider the other ways this scene could have played out, especially if a less calm person had been there, I admire Bob's behavior very much. He wanted the coffee and did what it took to get it without starting a fight.
Religious groups exist in part because they believe they have something valuable to give the world. Time after time, however, sociological studies indicate that religious people are very hesitant, on a local congregational level, to share with people who are different, whose mugs may come from the wrong shop, so to speak. Race, economics, class, and other distinctions work themselves out in many ways, some quite subtle. Fine points of theology can be magnified to become litmus tests that simply reinforce the group's need to be by itself and not have to contend with what challenges the group's illusion of certainty and stability.
Nonetheless, Bob's approach can work. A woman, "Lorraine," recently said to me of her church, "everyone was very nice to me to me on the surface, but it was four years before anyone took me seriously as a person." She had simply been persistent because she wanted the "coffee," so to speak, and decided to outlive the congregation's resistance to a new and different person. Like Bob, Lorraine decided that confrontation was not the answer in her case. Where Bob outsmarted the clerk, Lorraine outlasted the exclusionary tendencies of the congregation.
Bob and Lorraine were whole enough to take care of themselves well and get what they needed. Whether people are trying to sell their brand of coffee or promote a religion, they must embrace the fact that people will appear with mugs that may be different. The hard question for religious communities is whether they are willing to fill whatever mugs are brought to them. Had the young man in the coffee shop been a little less afraid of what was different, he would have kept a customer. Many congregations complain about "revolving door syndrome." They have lots of visitors and consider themselves very friendly, but nobody stays. When churches undertake the discipline of learning about the ways they unconsciously exclude, the ways that power is just as unconsciously kept in small circles, they may find that the doors have stopped revolving. Imagine your place of worship with a sign saying, "We'll fill your cup, no matter where you bought it."Return to the index of Bishop Paul's columns for the secular press
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