Diocesan
Life Columns
Bishop Paul V. Marshall
Bishop Paul's writes a monthly column for the Diocesan Newspaper, Diocesan
Life, edited by Communication
Minister, Bill Lewellis.
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People get away with behavior
in church communities that would not be tolerated anywhere else
Healthy Churches Draw Clear Boundaries
Bishop Paul V. Marshall
Diocesan Life, October 2002
Are wars started by the nice guys? In his breathtaking On the
Origins of War, Yale’s Donald Kagan explains why he thinks
so.
Examining evidence from ancient Greece through the 1962 Cuban
missile crisis, Kagan observes how pride, honor, and other psychological
aspects of nationhood play at least as much a role in the spawning
of war as do territorial and economic needs.
Didn’t we learn that the Second World War was begotten in
the humiliating peace that concluded World War I?
Kagan says peace has been historically kept through “the
possession by those states who wish to preserve the peace of the
preponderant power and of the will to accept the burdens and responsibilities
required to achieve that purpose.”
That means that those who appease bullies pave the way for war.
Those willing both to take clear stands and back them up preserve
peace. Our psychologist friends talk about the ability to draw
clear boundaries.
Kagan’s theory about war and peace-keeping is as politically
incorrect a theory as one can have in our time. It does not sound
like “turning the other cheek” or the unwritten eleventh
commandment, “Be nice.”
Neville Chamberlain encouraged Hitler whereas John Kennedy’s
tough stand forced the Soviets to pull their missiles out of Cuba.
There may be something worth considering here, even if Kagan’s
prescription does not sound like what a really nice person might
say.
Perhaps the clear wisdom is contained in the phrase, “Never
again!” It puts the world on notice.
The determination of the Jewish people to be blunt about not allowing
themselves to be victims is wisdom won through millennia of bitter
experience. All too often, nice guys simply do not finish at all.
I had the inexpressibly sad duty recently to shut down a church.
There were several reasons for this painful decision.
What seemed utterly unfixable was an ingrained pattern of conflict
that caused the church to be known in its community as “the
fighting church.”
It was the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. It has been
a costly decision for me. Flak continues to fly. Still, a line
had to be drawn: a church that harms people and will not see that
it does so cannot be permitted to continue the harm.
I do not know about synagogues and mosques, but I do agree with
the observation that people get away with behavior in church communities
that would not be tolerated anywhere else.
The core values behind this dysfunc-tion seem to be precisely
those Kagan finds behind war between nations: pride and a distorted
sense of honor or worth. There is nothing people cherish so much
as a perceived insult or hurt.
Can churches be healthy enough to say to actively or passively
aggressive bullies, “Change your behavior or you may not
be a part of this community?” It is an idea found throughout
the Bible, in the words of Jesus and the writings of the apostles.
There is such a thing as intolerable behavior. When members of a church community
denigrate or attempt to control each other, a boundary must be drawn. For their
own sake as well as that of the community.
Every person who says “If the church does this I’ll
never contribute another cent” must be told we will find
a way to get by. Every person who says “If this happens I’ll
quit the church” must be told we will miss them. Every person
who says the truth hurts their feelings must be told to get over
it. People who refuse to “be in love and charity with their
neighbor,” refuse to give up resentments, need to know they
poison their own soul and defile Christ’s cross.
Many doubt that religious institutions retain the backbone necessary
to preserve their own existence. In a century with no social pressure
in favor of church membership, we may find out if that doubt is
well founded.
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