Diocesan
Life Columns
Bishop Paul V. Marshall
Bishop Paul's writes a monthly column for the Diocesan Newspaper, Diocesan
Life, edited by Communication
Minister, Bill Lewellis.
For more features from the life of our diocese, check Diocesanlife....ONLINE; and Bethlehem
News.
How To Make People Suffer and Feel Good
About Yourself
Bishop Paul Marshall
[Diocesan Life, November 1997]
----------------- Editor's note: It is no surprise to learn that
the largest mainframe computer in the universe is owned and operated
by Satan. Needless to say, it is carefully guarded against amateurs
borrowing demonic secrets for making humans suffer. In fact, the
only two penetrations into the demonic data banks known so far
have been by the Internal Revenue Service and the software support
division of Microsoft, both of which have maintained direct links
to the infernal supercomputer. -----------------
Recently, a hacker accidentally dialed into to a regional office
of Hell-dot-disorg, and copied the entire data base of Satanic
Field Manuals, along with all the winning Lotto numbers for the
next forty years. We have now begun to translate these training
manuals, and excerpts will appear in these pages from time to time.
Here is one passage:
Part Six: Getting Religious People to Punish Each Other Section
1: The Small to Medium-size Church
(a) Satanic Operatives must recognize that churches of this size
pride themselves in the depth and genuineness of community spirit,
mutual concern and support, and general cooperation. The destruction
of these values must be of primary concern to our Operatives, because
if taken seriously, they will bring individual Christians to recognize
that the fundamental estrangement that Sin sets between people
can be overcome, and our entire enterprise will crumble.
It is then doubly important that Christians experience their churches
as places of turmoil and conflict, so that the Demonic Secret is
preserved.
(b) Operatives should remember, in planning strategies for specific
situations, that human beings are at their most dangerous when
they believe they are right and are taking action to protect what
is true, orthodox, or patriotic. So by hook or by crook, step one
must be to get temptees to believe that they are right.
(c) Persons can be made to believe that they are in the right
most easily by leading them to substitute feeling for fact. Reinforce
in every way possible the delusion that "feelings" do not require
thought; if possible, get them to act on their feelings without
any thought at all.
Never let them know that the only real "feelings" are hunger,
fear, aggression, sexual desire, and anger -- anything else called
a "feeling" is simply automated sloppy thinking. Guard that secret
well. Everything depends on it in Hell, and almost that much on
Madison Avenue. (Temptees who think but do not feel are discussed
in Chapter Seven: I Was Only Following Orders.)
(d) Take a person who believes him/herself to be right, keep them
from thinking about what makes them feel bad, and get them to abandon
Jesus Christ Q by parodying him. Jesus suffered redemptively: get
your temptees to suffer destructively.
(e) This is done through the greatest gift humanity has ever given
Satan: the absolute belief that if a person looks Hurt it must
be someone's fault, and the world must stop until they feel better.
Christians have badly misunderstood "bearing the cross," and usually
regard any inconvenience they encounter to be suffering with Christ.
At this point you have all the tools you need. From adolescence
on (Satan made high school for this), get them to look Hurt when
something displeases them, and encourage all those around to "care
about" them. It makes the one looking Hurt the center of attention,
and lets all the others feel proud of how "caring" they are --
and leaves the original issue unsolved.
(f) World Class Sulking, however, involves one more step. The
person looking Hurt must be convinced not to tell people what the
Hurt is about. "I don't want to talk about it" and "No, nothing's
wrong" (both said with a very Hurt voice, and just a hint of a
sniffle) can bring all the caring people around to their knees,
begging the Hurt one to unload the Pain.
Eventually many of the other caring people will conclude that
it must be their fault, or somebody's fault, that someone is Hurt
this much -- now you are ready to split that church wide open as
people start using Satan's number three weapon, Blaming.
(g) Caution: you must never let a Hurt person consciously examine
the power they feel over controlling others by being Hurt. Never
let them recognize that their need to punish others is satisfied
by staying Hurt. Never, ever, let them know how angry they actually
are.
(h) Immediate Promotion in the Field is awarded
to any Tempter who can get a Christian to do the right thing in
a critical moment, and because the right thing causes a few others
distress, as right things always do, to punish themselves by not
being grateful that they have acted honorably, but rather by feeling
Hurt over the whole situation.
They will punish themselves, keep their sense of themselves low,
and best of all, fail to give God glory the right thing was done.
[Editor's note: Computer enthusiasts who want the details on Hell's
computer will welcome the author's forthcoming book, 666 MHz and
Beyond: Abandon All Hope, You Who Enter Data Here.]
(return to Bishop Paul's Columns
Index)
Please direct any
questions or comments to the webmaster@diobeth.org
